Karma

Or is it 'opposition in all things'?

There is no picture with this post for a reason. You would not want to see what I saw when I walked into Hannah's bedroom this morning.

There have been a few times that I can remember hearing other people's stories of their kids decorating their cribs or walls with "diaper art" and laughing to myself (an evil laugh) and thinking, "I am so glad that my kids have never done that."

Ok. I shouldn't have done that. Karma.

Who would have thought that after having a bunch of dirty, stinky, mischief loving, (but totally adorable) little boys that my little girl would be the one to do something so disgusting. The little girl with the pretty blonde hair that can bat her eyes and smile and melt your heart. The one that loves shoes and chocolate and wearing my jewelry. Why would she do that?

The worst part-

it's the 3rd time it's happened in the last couple weeks.

Yuck.

I think it's because she has always slept through the night.

From the day she was born.

I just thought I was lucky or blessed or something.

But I think it was a set-up so that I could learn the 'opposition in all things' lesson.

Just because she looks cute and sweet and innocent, doesn't mean she always is.

There are a lot of things in life like that aren't' there?

Like the fact that when I was a kid I couldn't wait to be a grown up.

Why? The freedom is great, but the bills aren't.

I guess I didn't foresee the cute little blonde with a disgusting habit of taking off her diaper in bed either.

Yuck again.

And this brings me to another thought...

Do you ever look around and wonder, "How did I get here?"

Not like Alzheimer's or anything, more like where has the time gone?

I am in a weird place right now.

I know it is just the timing of lots of things happening at the same time, but it's weird.

My birthday was two weeks ago.

It usually doesn't bother me at all- but doesn't 35 sound so much older than 34?

And then there's the fact that Eli will starting junior high in 2 weeks. Just remembering how much I hated being in the middle of that awkward age makes me nervous for him. And now I'm the mom of a teenager. That makes me nervous for me. I don't want to be the un-cool, lame-o, embarrassing mom. But how exactly does one be the cool mom? Ugh. I still don't like Jr. high.

I also can't believe that Noah will be starting 2nd grade. Already?

Then I realized that Jonah will start Kindergarten next year. Next year!!

And Hannah will be 2 soon.

There is also the fact that won't leave my mind that if Christopher were still here, he would be ::::whispering:::: starting high school and getting ready to get his drivers license. Ack! I can't believe I'm old enough for that!

My kids are growing up too fast.

I am growing up too fast.

How did I get here?

I've been reading the 'Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' book series about a group of girls in their late teens. It's only added to this weird thing I'm going through right now. I used to be the 18 year old going out with friends at 1 am for Ben and Jerry's. What happened to that?

I still feel like that 18 year old, maybe a little wiser, but now I could almost be her mom.

Scary.

Sorry for the rambling. Thanks if you made it this far reading.

It's just been one of those mornings.